For Hope and Faith,
For about 16 hours, I knew true happiness. It is amazing how in an instant, everything can change. I know that whatever happens, I am eternally blessed. God is good, all the time. Know that you have been wanted and waited for, cherished and loved. I found out this morning that because it took so long to complete our home study, another family has been chosen for you. In my heart, you will always be mine. I will always wonder what might have been, and I want most of all for you to be happy, heathy, and loved. Another adoptive mom told me that maybe this placement won't work out, but I don't want you to experience a disrupted placement. Of course, since we are so close to final approval, it would be amazing if they would consider us, too. If they had seen you with me last night, I'm certain there would be no doubt that you belong with me. I pray that God will bless you and that you will be in the best placement for you, whether or not that is with us. "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my babies you'll be."
Love forever...
Mama
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
"Hello, I'm Your Mama..."
For Hope and Faith,
"Hello. I'm your Mama." That was what I wanted to say when I met you both for the first time. I stood back and watched you from afar, even though you were so close. Eventually, Hope came to me and held up her arms for me to pick her up, and then Faith did the same. I was holding both of you in my arms for the first time...together. I played with you--we did "Ring Around the Rosie" and all fell down, we played chase, we played ride the horsey, and held you--trying as much as possible to hold you both and putting you down immediately every time you said you wanted down. I tried to walk away and give you space because you had no idea who I was--yet--and somehow, you would always gravitate back toward me. I helped you wash your hands and faces and hunt for eggs. I would say (and have said) that it was "love at first sight," but the truth is that I loved you two over four months before I ever saw you. It was tough to learn that I missed Hope's birthday a few weeks ago and touching to know now that it is the day after our anniversary. I was hopeful when I learned that Faith's birthday is next Friday and that there is always a chance that you could both be home by then. I asked you both what you wanted for your birthdays because we were talking about birthdays (the topic was brought up by others), and you both said that you wanted a cupcake. Faith said, "...with ice cream in it." I plan to have a huge party to celebrate all the birthdays we have missed, and you will get cupcakes with ice cream in them and SO much more. It warmes my heart that you two liked me and kept gravitating to me. And when Hope gave me two unexpected kisses--one apparently just because and the other to say, "Goodbye," my heart completely melted. Today was one of the best days of my life, and as hard as it was to let you go, I hold onto the hope and faith that you two will be in my arms again soon.
God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good!
I'll be seeing you soon.
Love,
Mama
"Hello. I'm your Mama." That was what I wanted to say when I met you both for the first time. I stood back and watched you from afar, even though you were so close. Eventually, Hope came to me and held up her arms for me to pick her up, and then Faith did the same. I was holding both of you in my arms for the first time...together. I played with you--we did "Ring Around the Rosie" and all fell down, we played chase, we played ride the horsey, and held you--trying as much as possible to hold you both and putting you down immediately every time you said you wanted down. I tried to walk away and give you space because you had no idea who I was--yet--and somehow, you would always gravitate back toward me. I helped you wash your hands and faces and hunt for eggs. I would say (and have said) that it was "love at first sight," but the truth is that I loved you two over four months before I ever saw you. It was tough to learn that I missed Hope's birthday a few weeks ago and touching to know now that it is the day after our anniversary. I was hopeful when I learned that Faith's birthday is next Friday and that there is always a chance that you could both be home by then. I asked you both what you wanted for your birthdays because we were talking about birthdays (the topic was brought up by others), and you both said that you wanted a cupcake. Faith said, "...with ice cream in it." I plan to have a huge party to celebrate all the birthdays we have missed, and you will get cupcakes with ice cream in them and SO much more. It warmes my heart that you two liked me and kept gravitating to me. And when Hope gave me two unexpected kisses--one apparently just because and the other to say, "Goodbye," my heart completely melted. Today was one of the best days of my life, and as hard as it was to let you go, I hold onto the hope and faith that you two will be in my arms again soon.
God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good!
I'll be seeing you soon.
Love,
Mama
Monday, April 7, 2014
One More Day and Then Some . . .
For Hope and Faith,
I haven't written you in a while. Honestly, I have been trying to preoccupy my mind with anything but thoughts of you because my heart aches for you. Sometimes when we love someone so much, it hurts us so much to even think about them when we know we can't see them. I guess this is how people felt when my mom, your MawMaw was sick. The truth is that I have been so excited about your arrival that there is simply no way to escape thoughts of you. It would be like being pregnant and not thinking about the baby, which is probably why near the end of a pregnancy, moms-to-be tend to try anything to help labor start. Like me, they just hardly can't wait to meet their babies. Know that even though I haven't been writing, you are on my mind all of the time. Your older brother, D., talks about you every day--he is so excited to meet you and for you to both come home. He thought he saw the two of you at a DHR meeting and was so excited that he called me out of the room to tell me. It seems as if every single person who has been praying for you and us asks if we have heard anything. I almost don't want to leave the house until I have you with me. All they know is that we have fallen in love with and are hoping to adopt two little girls, but I know that their care and concern shows how much they love us and you already. When our worker called to tell us last week that she had our home study ready, but that we just needed to wait for her supervisor to come back in the office and that she would be out until April 14th, I decided not to do anything until that date. Of course, it was short lived, but temporarily, I was just going to will myself into a state of suspended animation. One of the things that I wasn't going to do was go to either the Foster and Adoptive Parents' Egg Hunt or the Church Egg Hunt. I felt that you two should be there, too, and so I wasn't going without you. Then, I got a call that you are may be at the FAPA egg hunt . . . tomorrow! You were supposed to be at several events, so whether you are or not, I will be there. In one more day, I may get the chance to meet you both. I am incredibly nervous that you won't like me, despite the fact that every child who knows we want to adopt, your siblings included, has assured me that you will love me. I hope you do, and I am a realist and know that you may not. Soon, we may find out. And, not much longer after that, we may have you home.
Love forever and always,
Mama
I haven't written you in a while. Honestly, I have been trying to preoccupy my mind with anything but thoughts of you because my heart aches for you. Sometimes when we love someone so much, it hurts us so much to even think about them when we know we can't see them. I guess this is how people felt when my mom, your MawMaw was sick. The truth is that I have been so excited about your arrival that there is simply no way to escape thoughts of you. It would be like being pregnant and not thinking about the baby, which is probably why near the end of a pregnancy, moms-to-be tend to try anything to help labor start. Like me, they just hardly can't wait to meet their babies. Know that even though I haven't been writing, you are on my mind all of the time. Your older brother, D., talks about you every day--he is so excited to meet you and for you to both come home. He thought he saw the two of you at a DHR meeting and was so excited that he called me out of the room to tell me. It seems as if every single person who has been praying for you and us asks if we have heard anything. I almost don't want to leave the house until I have you with me. All they know is that we have fallen in love with and are hoping to adopt two little girls, but I know that their care and concern shows how much they love us and you already. When our worker called to tell us last week that she had our home study ready, but that we just needed to wait for her supervisor to come back in the office and that she would be out until April 14th, I decided not to do anything until that date. Of course, it was short lived, but temporarily, I was just going to will myself into a state of suspended animation. One of the things that I wasn't going to do was go to either the Foster and Adoptive Parents' Egg Hunt or the Church Egg Hunt. I felt that you two should be there, too, and so I wasn't going without you. Then, I got a call that you are may be at the FAPA egg hunt . . . tomorrow! You were supposed to be at several events, so whether you are or not, I will be there. In one more day, I may get the chance to meet you both. I am incredibly nervous that you won't like me, despite the fact that every child who knows we want to adopt, your siblings included, has assured me that you will love me. I hope you do, and I am a realist and know that you may not. Soon, we may find out. And, not much longer after that, we may have you home.
Love forever and always,
Mama
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
The Night Before . . .
For Hope and Faith,
Tonight, as I lay in bed, I find myself unable to sleep. I feel like a child the night before a trip to Disney World, full of excitement and anticipation. In about 2.5 months, you should know what that feels like, too. I look forward to experiencing that and so many other things with the both of you. Tomorrow should be our final home visit. The new social worker will come to our home and do a safety check and make sure that we will be a good family for the two of you and any other children who God sends our way. I have felt all along that you would both be in our arms and home by or before our anniversary, which is Saturday. You may or may not be, but we know that it shouldn't be long now.
We have heard many say, and we've seen for ourselves, that adoption can sometimes be impossible for families due to the costs involved. Couples who adopt from foster care don't have the same financial obstacles that others face. We are still planning to do an adoption and orphan care fundraiser, though. We will use money from this to do help local children in foster care and to help couples from other countries adopt locally. It would be simply amazing if we could raise $1000 for this ministry. We also plan to wear these T-shirts as a family when we go on our Disney trip. Hopefully, this will also bring awareness to our cause.
We will be sharing the information on these shirts very soon. View the shirt here ( https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=800455369984667&l=2e2fb46d47 )
I look forward to meeting you both very soon,
Mama
Tonight, as I lay in bed, I find myself unable to sleep. I feel like a child the night before a trip to Disney World, full of excitement and anticipation. In about 2.5 months, you should know what that feels like, too. I look forward to experiencing that and so many other things with the both of you. Tomorrow should be our final home visit. The new social worker will come to our home and do a safety check and make sure that we will be a good family for the two of you and any other children who God sends our way. I have felt all along that you would both be in our arms and home by or before our anniversary, which is Saturday. You may or may not be, but we know that it shouldn't be long now.
We have heard many say, and we've seen for ourselves, that adoption can sometimes be impossible for families due to the costs involved. Couples who adopt from foster care don't have the same financial obstacles that others face. We are still planning to do an adoption and orphan care fundraiser, though. We will use money from this to do help local children in foster care and to help couples from other countries adopt locally. It would be simply amazing if we could raise $1000 for this ministry. We also plan to wear these T-shirts as a family when we go on our Disney trip. Hopefully, this will also bring awareness to our cause.
We will be sharing the information on these shirts very soon. View the shirt here ( https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=800455369984667&l=2e2fb46d47 )
I look forward to meeting you both very soon,
Mama
Friday, March 7, 2014
kNOw More Orphans
For Hope and Faith,
I can't remember if I've told you this before, so bare with me as I probably tell you again. (Get used to that, as your Daddy's biggest pet peeve about me is that I repeat myself.)
I am directly descended from two orphans (that I know of). My grandmother, your great-grand, was an orphan by the age of six due to both of her parents dying. Her father died when she was only about 2 and her mother when she was six. She was raised by distant relatives as one of their children but was never legally adopted. My father, your Pop, was raised in foster care like you were, but he left foster care at the age of 16 by getting married. He was orphaned through the poor choices of his parents, and he was also never legally adopted. However, they were both adopted by our Heavenly Father, through a price paid by Jesus on the cross.
Legally adopting you as our children is very important. It is important to us, and we feel that it will be important to you. However, your adoption into God's family is much more important. This is something that your Daddy and I take very seriously. We vow to raise you in a Christian home--to teach you about God's love and His Son, not just through his Word, though this is important, but by our actions. We won't be perfect. Only one person to walk the Earth ever was perfect, but we will continually strive to live Christ-like and to always remember that God is your true Father and that He has entrusted us with your care while we are on this Earth. We also promise to continually grow in our Faith and in our lives as Christians and as parents. To that end, even though we don't get credit for continuing education until our home study is final, we have been attending classes to learn more and grow. This weekend, we are so blessed to be at the kNOw More Orphans conference in Birmingham, and it has truly been a blessing. We are looking forward to getting our church more involved in an Orphan Care Ministry because we know this is part of the work God wants us to do with Marriages and Families. And, I am currently working to arrange for us to attend the Christian Alliance for Orphans conference ( http://www.cafo.org ) in Chicago May 1-2, 2014. It may be that I go to the meetings while Daddy spends time with the two of you and your brother and then we are all together during conference down time. Regardless, I know that God has big plans for all of our family to share His love and to care for the most vulnerable among us. May the love we have for God in our hearts always be reflected in our actions and in the actions of the children whose care He has entrusted to us.
We hope that one day you pass on your love and God's love, too. May we have many grandchildren, and may at least some of them be born from your hearts.
Love you infinitely,
Mama
I can't remember if I've told you this before, so bare with me as I probably tell you again. (Get used to that, as your Daddy's biggest pet peeve about me is that I repeat myself.)
I am directly descended from two orphans (that I know of). My grandmother, your great-grand, was an orphan by the age of six due to both of her parents dying. Her father died when she was only about 2 and her mother when she was six. She was raised by distant relatives as one of their children but was never legally adopted. My father, your Pop, was raised in foster care like you were, but he left foster care at the age of 16 by getting married. He was orphaned through the poor choices of his parents, and he was also never legally adopted. However, they were both adopted by our Heavenly Father, through a price paid by Jesus on the cross.
Legally adopting you as our children is very important. It is important to us, and we feel that it will be important to you. However, your adoption into God's family is much more important. This is something that your Daddy and I take very seriously. We vow to raise you in a Christian home--to teach you about God's love and His Son, not just through his Word, though this is important, but by our actions. We won't be perfect. Only one person to walk the Earth ever was perfect, but we will continually strive to live Christ-like and to always remember that God is your true Father and that He has entrusted us with your care while we are on this Earth. We also promise to continually grow in our Faith and in our lives as Christians and as parents. To that end, even though we don't get credit for continuing education until our home study is final, we have been attending classes to learn more and grow. This weekend, we are so blessed to be at the kNOw More Orphans conference in Birmingham, and it has truly been a blessing. We are looking forward to getting our church more involved in an Orphan Care Ministry because we know this is part of the work God wants us to do with Marriages and Families. And, I am currently working to arrange for us to attend the Christian Alliance for Orphans conference ( http://www.cafo.org ) in Chicago May 1-2, 2014. It may be that I go to the meetings while Daddy spends time with the two of you and your brother and then we are all together during conference down time. Regardless, I know that God has big plans for all of our family to share His love and to care for the most vulnerable among us. May the love we have for God in our hearts always be reflected in our actions and in the actions of the children whose care He has entrusted to us.
We hope that one day you pass on your love and God's love, too. May we have many grandchildren, and may at least some of them be born from your hearts.
Love you infinitely,
Mama
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Faith, Hope, Princess Grace . . . And our destiny
For Hope and Faith,
I have so many things to share with you today. Where to begin?
This past weekend an 18-year-old girl who we love very much spent the night with us. We enjoyed our time with her and had felt an instant connection with her from the very first time we met her back in November. She spoke to our GPS (foster and adoptive parents' class) about what it felt like to be in foster care from her perspective. In December, she helped us cook for the Foster Parents' Association Christmas party, and we got to have dinner with her afterwards. In early February, she went with me to a church event, and I got to stay with her while she recovered from being sick. She expressed an interest in staying with us and becoming part of our forever family, and we would be honored for her to do this. We know that the timing may not be right for her right now to become part of our family through adoption, but she will forever be our "Princess" Grace. We will always have a home for her to come home to, and if one day the timing is right for her and she still wants to be a part of our family through legal adoption, we would love to have her. We are going to find out if her brother can be placed in our home and if he wants to become part of our Forever Family. Either way, she will always be part of our heart family and will always be your sister. I think she will be a good role model for the two of you. I always knew we would adopt several children, including some older children.
This leads me to another topic.
So many people have been supportive of our desire to become foster and adoptive parents and SO many are praying for the both of you daily. Very few people are surprised about our calling or plans to become foster and adoptive parents. Those who are usually feel like your father would probably appreciate alone time with me or that we should just travel the world alone and enjoy each other. These people must not have a clue that not only does your father LOVE and adore children and want to be a father again, but that he fell in love with me precisely because of how much I love and give to others--my mothering spirit. I highly doubt that most people know that on our five-day honeymoon, we spent an entire day at an orphanage taking care of babies and children. We both knew that orphan care was important to us even then. My only regret about that is not doing more for them after we returned home. I hope to one day take you and all of your siblings back and take supplies and help them with facilities maintenance and whatever else they need.
Your father and I were destined to adopt, and we feel we were destined to be your parents. It won't be long now. Our next (and hopefully final visit) with our new worker is late next week. Eight days from now, we could know when we will meet you. In the past ten months, we have learned to have Patience, Wisdom, Faith, and Hope. Now, we also have our Grace. A side note, Grace is also your father's nickname for me . . . so, your sister Grace is kind of named after me (and one of my favorite aunts). We look forward to meeting you and holding you in our arms.
Love always and forever,
Mama
Saturday, February 22, 2014
The One That Got Away . . .
For Hope and Faith,
In writing my last post to you and in your father reading it back to me, I was finally able to shed tears for the one that got away. Last Friday is when I first knew I would have to fight harder for you. Monday, I learned that the other sibling baby we were expecting (who was growing in another mommy's body) would never make it to our arms. Now that I've emotionally dealt with all the ups-and-downs from the past week, I am finally able to grieve the loss of that baby for both the first mom and myself. I believe there are other souls out there who will also be part of our family, so you will have more siblings. Only God knows when or who, but it will happen.
I love you both and can hardly wait to hold you in my arms.
Love always and forever (143aaf),
Mama
In writing my last post to you and in your father reading it back to me, I was finally able to shed tears for the one that got away. Last Friday is when I first knew I would have to fight harder for you. Monday, I learned that the other sibling baby we were expecting (who was growing in another mommy's body) would never make it to our arms. Now that I've emotionally dealt with all the ups-and-downs from the past week, I am finally able to grieve the loss of that baby for both the first mom and myself. I believe there are other souls out there who will also be part of our family, so you will have more siblings. Only God knows when or who, but it will happen.
I love you both and can hardly wait to hold you in my arms.
Love always and forever (143aaf),
Mama
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