For Hope and Faith,
For about 16 hours, I knew true happiness. It is amazing how in an instant, everything can change. I know that whatever happens, I am eternally blessed. God is good, all the time. Know that you have been wanted and waited for, cherished and loved. I found out this morning that because it took so long to complete our home study, another family has been chosen for you. In my heart, you will always be mine. I will always wonder what might have been, and I want most of all for you to be happy, heathy, and loved. Another adoptive mom told me that maybe this placement won't work out, but I don't want you to experience a disrupted placement. Of course, since we are so close to final approval, it would be amazing if they would consider us, too. If they had seen you with me last night, I'm certain there would be no doubt that you belong with me. I pray that God will bless you and that you will be in the best placement for you, whether or not that is with us. "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, my babies you'll be."
Love forever...
Mama
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
"Hello, I'm Your Mama..."
For Hope and Faith,
"Hello. I'm your Mama." That was what I wanted to say when I met you both for the first time. I stood back and watched you from afar, even though you were so close. Eventually, Hope came to me and held up her arms for me to pick her up, and then Faith did the same. I was holding both of you in my arms for the first time...together. I played with you--we did "Ring Around the Rosie" and all fell down, we played chase, we played ride the horsey, and held you--trying as much as possible to hold you both and putting you down immediately every time you said you wanted down. I tried to walk away and give you space because you had no idea who I was--yet--and somehow, you would always gravitate back toward me. I helped you wash your hands and faces and hunt for eggs. I would say (and have said) that it was "love at first sight," but the truth is that I loved you two over four months before I ever saw you. It was tough to learn that I missed Hope's birthday a few weeks ago and touching to know now that it is the day after our anniversary. I was hopeful when I learned that Faith's birthday is next Friday and that there is always a chance that you could both be home by then. I asked you both what you wanted for your birthdays because we were talking about birthdays (the topic was brought up by others), and you both said that you wanted a cupcake. Faith said, "...with ice cream in it." I plan to have a huge party to celebrate all the birthdays we have missed, and you will get cupcakes with ice cream in them and SO much more. It warmes my heart that you two liked me and kept gravitating to me. And when Hope gave me two unexpected kisses--one apparently just because and the other to say, "Goodbye," my heart completely melted. Today was one of the best days of my life, and as hard as it was to let you go, I hold onto the hope and faith that you two will be in my arms again soon.
God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good!
I'll be seeing you soon.
Love,
Mama
"Hello. I'm your Mama." That was what I wanted to say when I met you both for the first time. I stood back and watched you from afar, even though you were so close. Eventually, Hope came to me and held up her arms for me to pick her up, and then Faith did the same. I was holding both of you in my arms for the first time...together. I played with you--we did "Ring Around the Rosie" and all fell down, we played chase, we played ride the horsey, and held you--trying as much as possible to hold you both and putting you down immediately every time you said you wanted down. I tried to walk away and give you space because you had no idea who I was--yet--and somehow, you would always gravitate back toward me. I helped you wash your hands and faces and hunt for eggs. I would say (and have said) that it was "love at first sight," but the truth is that I loved you two over four months before I ever saw you. It was tough to learn that I missed Hope's birthday a few weeks ago and touching to know now that it is the day after our anniversary. I was hopeful when I learned that Faith's birthday is next Friday and that there is always a chance that you could both be home by then. I asked you both what you wanted for your birthdays because we were talking about birthdays (the topic was brought up by others), and you both said that you wanted a cupcake. Faith said, "...with ice cream in it." I plan to have a huge party to celebrate all the birthdays we have missed, and you will get cupcakes with ice cream in them and SO much more. It warmes my heart that you two liked me and kept gravitating to me. And when Hope gave me two unexpected kisses--one apparently just because and the other to say, "Goodbye," my heart completely melted. Today was one of the best days of my life, and as hard as it was to let you go, I hold onto the hope and faith that you two will be in my arms again soon.
God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good!
I'll be seeing you soon.
Love,
Mama
Monday, April 7, 2014
One More Day and Then Some . . .
For Hope and Faith,
I haven't written you in a while. Honestly, I have been trying to preoccupy my mind with anything but thoughts of you because my heart aches for you. Sometimes when we love someone so much, it hurts us so much to even think about them when we know we can't see them. I guess this is how people felt when my mom, your MawMaw was sick. The truth is that I have been so excited about your arrival that there is simply no way to escape thoughts of you. It would be like being pregnant and not thinking about the baby, which is probably why near the end of a pregnancy, moms-to-be tend to try anything to help labor start. Like me, they just hardly can't wait to meet their babies. Know that even though I haven't been writing, you are on my mind all of the time. Your older brother, D., talks about you every day--he is so excited to meet you and for you to both come home. He thought he saw the two of you at a DHR meeting and was so excited that he called me out of the room to tell me. It seems as if every single person who has been praying for you and us asks if we have heard anything. I almost don't want to leave the house until I have you with me. All they know is that we have fallen in love with and are hoping to adopt two little girls, but I know that their care and concern shows how much they love us and you already. When our worker called to tell us last week that she had our home study ready, but that we just needed to wait for her supervisor to come back in the office and that she would be out until April 14th, I decided not to do anything until that date. Of course, it was short lived, but temporarily, I was just going to will myself into a state of suspended animation. One of the things that I wasn't going to do was go to either the Foster and Adoptive Parents' Egg Hunt or the Church Egg Hunt. I felt that you two should be there, too, and so I wasn't going without you. Then, I got a call that you are may be at the FAPA egg hunt . . . tomorrow! You were supposed to be at several events, so whether you are or not, I will be there. In one more day, I may get the chance to meet you both. I am incredibly nervous that you won't like me, despite the fact that every child who knows we want to adopt, your siblings included, has assured me that you will love me. I hope you do, and I am a realist and know that you may not. Soon, we may find out. And, not much longer after that, we may have you home.
Love forever and always,
Mama
I haven't written you in a while. Honestly, I have been trying to preoccupy my mind with anything but thoughts of you because my heart aches for you. Sometimes when we love someone so much, it hurts us so much to even think about them when we know we can't see them. I guess this is how people felt when my mom, your MawMaw was sick. The truth is that I have been so excited about your arrival that there is simply no way to escape thoughts of you. It would be like being pregnant and not thinking about the baby, which is probably why near the end of a pregnancy, moms-to-be tend to try anything to help labor start. Like me, they just hardly can't wait to meet their babies. Know that even though I haven't been writing, you are on my mind all of the time. Your older brother, D., talks about you every day--he is so excited to meet you and for you to both come home. He thought he saw the two of you at a DHR meeting and was so excited that he called me out of the room to tell me. It seems as if every single person who has been praying for you and us asks if we have heard anything. I almost don't want to leave the house until I have you with me. All they know is that we have fallen in love with and are hoping to adopt two little girls, but I know that their care and concern shows how much they love us and you already. When our worker called to tell us last week that she had our home study ready, but that we just needed to wait for her supervisor to come back in the office and that she would be out until April 14th, I decided not to do anything until that date. Of course, it was short lived, but temporarily, I was just going to will myself into a state of suspended animation. One of the things that I wasn't going to do was go to either the Foster and Adoptive Parents' Egg Hunt or the Church Egg Hunt. I felt that you two should be there, too, and so I wasn't going without you. Then, I got a call that you are may be at the FAPA egg hunt . . . tomorrow! You were supposed to be at several events, so whether you are or not, I will be there. In one more day, I may get the chance to meet you both. I am incredibly nervous that you won't like me, despite the fact that every child who knows we want to adopt, your siblings included, has assured me that you will love me. I hope you do, and I am a realist and know that you may not. Soon, we may find out. And, not much longer after that, we may have you home.
Love forever and always,
Mama
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